About the Couples Course

Posted on: September 2, 2011

In order to explain the Couples Course, and how it was developed, I am going to tell you a story; the story of me.

I was doing everything I was told to do. I went to the right schools. I had the right job. I dated the right people. I had acquired all the right stuff, and I had the right life. So why did I not feel “right?” In fact, why did I feel so profoundly wrong?

Surrounded by people, I felt alone. In the midst of the vibrance and the color of life, I felt grey. Not only that, but I resented those who seemed more colorful. This was not a healthy way to live.

Even though I couldn’t touch it, I knew that there was something else, another way to live, even if I didn’t feel I could have it, I knew it was there. If only because the alternative was too depressing to think about.

I began a journey to discover what was missing, and in the midst of that journey, in all of my research, in the years of studying intimacy, one thing kept emerging; Touch.

Those who felt connected to those around them were free with their touch, whereas to those who felt disconnected, touch seemed confusing, and in some ways annoying to them. They pulled away from it, sometimes subtly, other times violently. Their hugs were two taps on the back and separate. Their physical boundaries were rigid.

And I… was one of those people.

And so, I started to practice how to touch others around me; to see how it changed me. And then, there was an opening, and then another, and another. I shut down after some, and some were so expansive I felt I was lost. Throughout the process, in through those openings, feeling flooded into me. I felt at this deep instinctual level what it was be to HUMAN. HAPPY. ALIVE.

We have been taught by society to believe in logic over feeling, to believe thoughts of sensual pleasure are wrong and we are deviant for having them, and to believe that love is some mystical force you cannot understand. These beliefs have been taught to us because the society that teaches us has shame around them. But we are not a society, we are people, we are human.

The good news is that you can not only learn to eliminate the guilt of sensual pleasure, but do it in a way that is in integrity with who you are. Granted, it took me 5 years, intense inquiry, and a boatload of missteps and pain to not only find that out, but to develop a way others could follow without having to step in all the thorn bushes I did along the way.

When it comes to intimacy and relationships, regardless of our fear or bravado, there is a process you can learn that helps you create the life, and the relationships you desire.

Designed to address various levels of resistance to intimacy, I developed a fivefold framework, and created the Couples Course to walk you through that process, step-by-step. This framework, Focus INAttention OUT, Cleary CommunicateTouch, and Play!  facilitates connecting with others in a way that is pleasurable, and provide you experiences to use as a basis for further exploration and inquiry.

In the Couples Course you will learn how to:

  • center yourself, notice and identify sensations in your body, and elevate your self-care
  • develop meaningful relationships outside of your partnership, and why that is healthy for both of you
  • notice what is really happening in your relationship, as opposed to the judgements you have
  • cleanly and clearly communicate with your partner without blame or agenda,
  • express your desires without shame, and pursue those desires without becoming slave or addicted to them
  • tap into your inner-child and learn to play with each other freely
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